THE FLOW AND EBB...
of the tides, thats what im reminded of right now.
A couple nights ago, lets jus say i attempted to take a plunge. It was a bittersweet moment, not worse, but not better either. All i could think was that... this was the story of my life. Yet another Hamlet dilemma, a dilemma which might have been resolved in a better light... if only maybe. Those tragic words... if only. Last night was horrible, i couldnt fall asleep and i woke up to a bright new day... groggy and miserable. My spirits uplifted for awhile w/ the help of some of my good buddies. They may not know it, but they did help me when i needed it. Same for my sis... i thank them all. In a situation like this, im reminded of something i heard jus today: "If you cant deal w/ getting hurt, then u dont deserve to love anyone." For this, im glad i took the plunge.
Whats past is past, and yet i cant help but cling. What scares me the most is the silence, the calm stillness that arises from time to time when i can actually hear myself think. Thats the most painful part, when reverberating notions of missed chances, cowardice and such become increasingly magnified. Some are realized, some are notions where i kno im being hard on myself. But i cant help it. The more my brain becomes settled, the more it comes back to this... these are times where i really need to concentrate.
I will find a way... too much to worry bout as is. More to come later then.
