Shuan's Site

Jiner's Site

Michelle's Site

James' Site

Kenny's Site

 
Avatar and other thoughts, maybe in the morning...

Its been awhile since I've come to this blog, or have anything substantial to write about. It takes a certain spark for all these grandiose, groundless thoughts whizzing about in my brain to slow for just a moment, just long enough for me to listen. For this rare occasion, it took what I now believe a very viable candidate for Best Picture of '09. In fact, I will venture to say it will win the award.

That movie is Avatar, a very welcome surprise to this year. For the most part, I was pretty disappointed with this year's offerings, pretty much this decade save for Gladiator and a few others. This is not to say most of these movies are horrible; a good majority are actually pretty entertaining and worth the premium that they ask. However, only a select few movies are ones which I will revisit over and over again with the same enthusiasm that I did the first time I watched it. These movies I believe are done well and at the same time offer me this sense of wonder or manliness which no other movie can quite touch. My favorite movie of all time, Laputa, happens to offer both of them. Not to say I have an extensive movie resume behind my preferences; I actually think that my movie IQ is pretty shallow. With that in mind, I don't even think Avatar can crack my personal pantheon of movies, but that's only because I don't have that kind of money to invest.

Avatar is one of those movies which are "complete" in my opinion, as in the movie obtains total audience immersion. Other movies of the past that attempted this level of immersion were limited by the technologies available at the time, so most of the older classics seem dated. Not to say special effects are everything; it merely is a vehicle for the plot and character development. This total immersion happens when all three of those elements combine harmoniously into a single unit, grasping you by the wrist and throwing you to the thick of the action. The characters have to be natural, believable. The best actors are the best con artists. Plot is much like a paved road; the smoother the ride the better. When all three work in sublime unison, you will get a beautiful product.

The movie made real good use of the recent technological advances in motion capture and CG rendering. Although this was my first experience with the system, I would have to say the movie made real good use of the IMAX 3D system. I felt as if the movie was made intended to be watched in this matter, so much so that one would lack the whole experience watching the movie on traditional screens. This is why I will have to say Avatar would fall short of my hallowed list. Nonetheless, it was really worth the ride.

Classic story with new age presentation. For me, that's all I will ever need or want out of a movie. Originality is clever plagiarism. I'd rather have a predictable well done movie over a fresh bad movie. In any case, what I mean is that the plot and characters in the movie are ones seen before. Avatar is a classic tale of natives and invaders, starstruck lovers, and the importance of knowing our place in the grand scheme of life. I was reminded of elements that alluded to ideas presented in Laputa, Xenogears, and others. Not that they were the first to do it, they are just examples that popped into my head(Xenogears isn't even a movie). Now, if a movie attempts to revisit old allegories, you must present it well. This is a prerequisite. Failing to deliver the message, whether in bad scripting or acting, will sink the entire ship. No amount of special effects can right it. In that regard, I felt there we're no real gaping holes or glaring acting issues. The classic elements were done well.

What put this movie over the top is how these classic allegories were meshed into the packaging, the special effects. If the CG was done in a cheesy manner, it would be too much of a distraction and would lessen the experience overall. The total opposite was true; I think this is how Cameron would have liked to realize one of his life-long ambitions. The final product he made is worth the fifteen year wait. The indigenous world of Pandora is lush and vibrant, with colors and iridescence that we can only dream of in our terrestrial reality. The action sequences such as the flying scenes were breathtaking. I literally found myself gasping for breath sometimes, maybe due to the fact I forgot to breathe every now and then. I think I "dodged" some bullets and shrapnel during the final battle.

Along with the special effects is the sci-fi aspect of it. Personally, sci-fi is one of those genres that I have a really tough time to warm up to. Sci-fi shows I tend to like sort of ease me into the story, giving me familiar concepts and limiting the technobabble. One good example is Battlestar Galactica, which to me was just how the a contemporary navy would have acted if thrust into a more galactic vessel as opposed to a sea-faring one. What Avatar did really well was how it presented the native Na'vi peoples. Many comparisons can be made to various Native American or African tribes. Night elves also popped into my mind. As the movie progressed, that whole notion just melted into this sense of an indigenous peoples who had great vested interest in all of nature. The connection that the audience can make to the Na'vi is what I felt was a little lacking in some of the aliens presented in other sci-fi movies. By the end of the movie, the genre that this movie is in didn't quite seem to matter much anymore.

I also find with most of these movies, you can't help but talk about it after-wards. Maybe its a requirement. I found myself thinking about things like the nature of war, conquest, love, artificial intellegence, and the concept that ties every one of these together: consciousness. This movie touched on one of my favorite pastime musings. Pandora as a world is theorized by the invading scientists as one that is connected much like a nervous system, synapsed together by this "energy" (somewhat like chi) by Ewa (sp?), the main deity of the Na'vi. This synapsing is so extensive that it links all the memories of past generations of Na'vi as well as the wild. Thus, destroying the fauna or flora is tantamount to destroying the burial grounds of the natives. I say this now and I know I will have to be reminded of it time and again, but sometimes perspective is too narrow. A cup too full will overflow and precious water will be lost. What is old will be new again, for we are all but too human. I guess it was that good of a movie for me to revisit these old thoughts.

Excellent movie. The premium paid was worth the experience. With that in mind, I was planning on revisiting the concept of a hero, but I think I need the sleep more than anything. Hopefully I will remember to write down these precious few thoughts. More to come later.

 
DUWA

This past friday I had a most enchanted encounter in a setting I wouldn't expect, with someone I least suspect. I expected little out of the whole night in regards to the setting, content to spend the precious moments of my 24 years and 363th day with some of the people I hold very dear to me. I broke down the whole evening into something of a transaction; we both knew what we wanted and I was in position to give it. A good mix of debauchery and the right amount of inebriation. Everything was going according to plan until someone in my periphery threw a wrench into the works.

Her approach was unorthodox, stooping down to my left to reach eye level. I found her face to be a welcome surprise, dolled up but not fake. She was a walking contradiction, appealing to me with the unappealing. She showed me her piercings: a nose ring and two studs on her waist. Normally I could do without them, but a glint on her cheek revealed a stud reminiscent of a tear. That was the beginning of the end for me, that initial jab that intrigued me so.

Soon after the introduction we both found ourselves in familiar territory. At this point, I already knew that fun was imminent, so in usual fashion I gushed to her about how she saved my night. We engaged in a bit of back and forth, probing each other for something real or imagined. I was having too much fun, so I decided to let her work a little harder than the rest of them. At that point, I knew I had reached the pinnacle of my night. I was soon to find out that the peak was higher than I would have thought.

She soon posed to me a question that would shake the very foundations of my perception.

"Do you like anime"

For a self-professed geek such as myself, I would never utter those words to anyone I've met for the first time, no matter the situation. I didn't know what to say, she threw me a changeup when I expected some high heat. I layed off the pitch, explaining to myself that she sized me up pretty well. She would be able to relay some things she might have heard from proxy, and as such I would be able to contain my power levels. However, she was a more crafty pitcher than that.

She started to list and go into episodic detail of the most obscure shows. The dawn was slowly breaking over the mountains, but still I elected to keep my eyes shut. Here came the breaking ball.

"One of my favorites is School Rumble."

No way. You have to be joking me. Someone set me up. That's all that went through my mind. I was desperate to find my bearings, find some way to the contrary. Yet I found none, cause here came the most wicked curve I have ever seen.

"Duwa"

One word validated everything. It was enough for me to leave my body, get a good sense of the gravity of it all, and relish in what has got to be the best swing and miss I have ever had. The rest is somewhat of a blur, and I reluctantly let her go. I plum forgot to get her number in the process. At this point, I would have taken anything, even a 555-5555.

If anything, its one of the better stories I can tell. Wherever you are, thank you again for a most enchanted encounter. Du du du du DUWAAAA.

Strength and Honor. More to come later.

 
MAUI IS AMAZING

It's been almost 2 years since I checked up on this thing. I guess I got something to reflect upon once again that requires more than a passing glance. This past Maui trip was nothing short of amazing. I feel like its a privilege to experience that sort of beauty despite our expansive efforts to ruin it all. In any case, we did all the tourist stuff that I hope I can recollect w/o writing it all down. There is something I did want to write down, and it is a mythological story that was told to our kayaking group during a lunch break:

This myth takes place on the very island of Maui. Two lovers are getting ready for marriage, and the villagers help out in every way they could. Not too long after, a girl tries to seduce the groom away. The villagers find out that the temptress was none other than Pele, the goddess of fire and volcanoes. The villagers rush the couple out as quickly as possible toward the sea. Soon thereafter, Kane Milohai, god of the skies, gives a helping hand to the couple. He will drop a star from the sky, and if the two lovers were able to hold onto it together, they will be joined for all eternity. So, the lovers climbed to the highest hill they could find and waited for the star. Alas, as they were about to touch the star, Pele shot a stream of lava that separated the two. The groom went toward the mountains, while the bride went out to sea. The hill they climbed is now referred to as Red Hill in mainland speak. Flowers started to bloom from the places that the couple landed in. Near the shoreline, there are these prominent vine-like plants that cover the outcroppings of rock. In the mountains, there are these small shrubs. Both of them have teardrop shaped leaves, signifying their sorrow. And each plant blooms a half-flower. When placing two flowers from the same plant together, the flower doesn't quite become whole. But, when placing two flowers from the mountain and shoreline, they fit perfectly.

An abridged version that I hope is somewhat accurate. I couldn't remember all the Hawaiian names, so that made things a little harder. In any case, its one of the best tragedy stories I've heard, plus it explains the peculiar nature of the surrounding areas in a very elegant manner. Simply beautiful.

More to come later.

 
Ode to Stranger than Fiction...
(read no further if you have not seen this film. Go see it)

I write this in hopes that I will be able to capture all my flashing thoughts and impressions about this truly novel work. This movie was surprisingly well done and of real value. Watching it was almost refreshing due to the fact that I literally forgot anything that can compare to it this year. When the credits started rolling, I immediately started to compare it to Academy Award winners of past, especially the previous winner Crash. Discussing it with Gary just a few moments prior, we concluded with two things; they are not in the same genre per se, and we would both award StF the award over Crash. Before I continue, this is not a comparison of Crash and StF. I will instead focus more on the merits of StF and why it is a legitimate contender for the big prize.

Stranger than Fiction cannot be pinned down to one "genre." Estabilishing that, it has not created its own genre as well. What is most novel about it is that it works with the nuances of many genres. Many movies in past history have indeed combined genres, but it is the execution which is most impressive about this film. Due to our lineage, most movies can be categorized in two camps; comedy and tragedy. A movie certainly can use devices of both, but can be considered one or the other when the story resolves. I am not stating that I am an expert on the classical notions of comedy and tragedy, but in my common sense knowledge of the two genres, I will contend that this movie has succeeded in combining both.

As rudimentary as it sounds, laughter is crucial to comedy. How a comedy achieves laughter is pretty important, since its sets the tone of a "sub-genre." Dark and light, "high-brow" and "low-brow" have all been terms used to describe such "sub-genres." There are many instances where the various devices of the "sub-genres" have been used to generate laughter, with the possible omission of "low-brow" humor- which is actually pretty surprising considering that Will Ferrell headlines this film. Irony is heavily employed, as well as a bit of pathos in creating laughter. After all, this film is about a hapless man who meets an untimely demise. What appeals most to me about this humor is its subtlety. One such example:
"What is your favorite word?"
"Integer"
This is a question posed by Prof Hilbert(Dustin Hoffman) to Harold Crick(Will Ferrell). Crick is portrayed as a man surrounded by numbers, filtering in his daily thoughts and dreams. The absurdity of his response is heightened by the fact that it is so second nature to Crick himself. This subtlety of humor is throughout the whole movie and I believe it executes it well.

In terms of tragedy, it does well to address the classic notions of fatal flaw and tragic hero. Harold Crick is naturally the tragic hero of the story, in which his fatal flaw is that he is too rigid, too reliant on his routine, symbolized by the omnipresent wristwatch. In equally classic fashion, he is to address that fatal flaw, but due to it, he will meet his ultimate and untimely demise. However, it deviates in terms of dramatic irony, which is central to the novelty of the whole film. Not only is the audience aware of this dramatic irony, the tragic hero in question is also made aware. This in itself pretty much states that this movie cannot be considered a tragedy in the classical sense, even if the tragic hero eventually meets the same untimely demise.

So, can it be considered more of a comedy? I will still say no, due to the tragedy elements. A comedy cannot be considered as such when the tragic hero will meet that untimely demise. In all respects, the hero did meet that demise. It just broke the classic rules. In its very nature it cannot be classified within more of one or the other cause it violates the rules of each. Yet it shares the very elements of both. Some might contend that it does not belong in either due to this violation. I say that since it employs the devices of each to such a degree, it can be considered both even though they cannot be considered one or the other.

With that said, I will have to go into the real reasons why I think this is an Oscar worthy film. In order to do that effectively, I must address the crticisms of the movie. One major reservation I've seen is that the film is a cheaper version of Adaptation. Personally, I have yet to see the movie. It has peaked my interest in Adaptation, but I cannot address that criticism as of now.

What I can address is the degree of "suspension of belief" that is required to regard this movie as Oscar worthy. The most critical is that of the "internal logic" within the movie, in that there is no real explanation of how an author and her main character can exist in the same plane. In regards to that, I contend that such an explicit explanation is unnecessary. The critic's contention is that in order for that to be plausable, there has to be a clear line between what is "real" and what is "created." This is where suspension of belief is necessary. The whole point of the movie is to explore that very possibility, however impossible it may be. When the critic states this view may be viewed as the "ramblings of a spoilsport," I would have to sincerly agree. What the movie builds on is not how or why this situation occurs, rather it is a given state of affairs. What the audience needs to explore then is what would unfold given such a situation. Personally, I believe its just something to add fuel to the critical fire.

Now, in most of the "rotten" reviews I've seen, one thing is similar amongst all of them other than the comparisons to Adaptation, the Truman Show and others. Their reservations lie in the believablity of character interaction, most notably the relationships between Harold and Ana (Maggie Gyllenhaal) and Harold and Prof Hilbert. The romantic tensions of Harold and Ana are criticized to be somewhat of a hackneyed and forced pairing. They state it is a pure fiction in itself that Ana, who is being audited by Harold, would suddenly fall for a socially awkward man who is the embodiment of everything she has ever despised. In any other movie with any other actors, I would have to agree.

However, this is not the case cause the acting is up to par and the flow of the plot allows for plausable development. What I mean is that those two elements do make for an organic, natural course of events. The time in which it develops is admittedly short, but this is not the issue. The critics can call me idealistic, gullible even, but I will contend that they have watched too many movies with the same cliches to the point that they are callous to something that develops this well. The sole reason why I believe this way is because this development operates in the same manner as the humor; both of them operate with great subtlety. I genuinely believe she is softened by the awkward "apology" that Harold gives on the bus, and that she truly emphatizes with Harold for that tiny bit when he leaves the bakery after a long day of looking at records. How I divulge these extrapolations of her character is through her story about her days in Harvard Law. Her delivery of the story made her experience seem really genuine. Discussing this notion with Jeff, he believes that this sort of pairing can only occur because of Ana's nature. This is how good I thought the acting was, and in turn that made these characters worthy of our empathy.

Little victories for Harold, which eventually become little notches for him in the "comedy" category within his notepad, do add up. Chance leads to opportunity, and circumstances lead to different assessments of what is really valuable. If one is not open to that, I am truly sorry for that person. With that said, I believe these same circumstances applies to all the relationships that Harold has.

Addressing those major criticisms, I will address my ultimate reason why this movie is Oscar worthy. I believe every great movie builds up to a culmination of significance, especially when the main character realizes the essence of what man is. Harold Crick, upon hearing that he will die with no alternatives, reads the manuscript detailing his recent days and how he meets his end. As with any man, he values mere survival and initially tries to find ways to keep breathing. In my honest opinion, what Prof Hilbert said about his demise was very poinant. He states that every man will die; it is one of the few absolutes in this world. Essentially, if you can choose to meet your end albeit a noble one, that is what every man should strive for. Harold's transition from the initial outright fear to an uneasy acceptance is something I view as admirable, and more importantly, something I can identify with. When he puts on his tie to go to work, I pictured a soldier wearing his suit of armor. What difference is there between the two? I say none, since both are preparing to meet the same end.

Despite the criticisms and the rotten tomatoes score, I still believe that this movie is Oscar material. Guess I will just have to wait till next year to see if anyone agrees with me.

More to come later.

 
THIS DESERVED A LONG POST

I think my drama binge ended on a very good note. It was a KimiTaku parade for awhile, starting with Engine. Engine was pretty good, had a lot of actors that I really liked. A nice tale about the importance of family and dreams, whether the family was nuclear or otherwise. Then, I watched Good Luck. Although I didn't like it as much, mostly due to the main girl lead, it was still entertaining. I liked the mini theme of the feeling amist the sky.

I ended the parade with Pride, and I have to say, hockey has never been cooler. All the girls were really cute, all of them, which is pretty rare I would have to say. More than that, Pride became one of my favorites since it was sort of a "man's" romance. The three main guy leads had relationships that mirrored their sensibilities. I could only identify with one, Yamada, since he was the lamest one and was slow to approach the girl. KT's character Halu was a straight up pimp though, and he is the reason why I call it a man's romance. The thing that is lacking in most Kdramas (at least from those I've seen) is romance that falls outside of the normal triangle relationships. Most Kdramas focus intensely on relationships, whether it be between lovers or rivals. It is not for the sake of any sort of "ideal." In small doses, this is fine. What makes Pride this "man's" romance is that not only are the relationships realistic enough to identify with, there is a sense of romance attached to Halu's intense obssession with hockey. When he reminices about his departed coach, he talks about how they would train until the sweat would crystallize on their skin. Or when his current coach talks to him about the "ice goddess" beneath the rink. As I am now, I believe that most men are not comfortable with themselves when they are one-dimensional. We all need love, but we also need to have a sense of completeness. In other words, girls like guys with great skills. And as lame as the referrence is, I totally agree. A man who can only live for a woman... at one time or another I thought this was the ideal. This is not the case. A man who works hard to live up to his aspirations and dreams, while being true in his relationships, is a complete man. That is a man's romance, and thats what Pride delivered. For this, it became one of my favorite dramas.

If I made a list though, the next drama I saw would rank even higher, maybe even give SekaiChu a run for its money. Definitely my favorite drama of the season. As with many dramas of the present, it is an adaptation of a manga; Iryu:Team Medical Dragon. Yes, the title does sound cheesy, but cheese is what it lacks. Medical drama is one of those genres that are extra gripping. Despite the exaggerated depictions, it is because of these medical dramas that my repect for the field is so high. The ability to concentrate with a person's life in your very hands, the ability to be objective and calmly adapt, is truly subject to adoration. It is one thing to kill a man who was an "enemy", but to be able to save that "enemy," is a hero that no one else can top.

Iryu:TMD is the closest thing u can get to a sports anime spirit within a medical drama. The whole premise of the drama was to form this specialized cardio surgery team, starting with the godlike head surgeon Asada. Through his superior skill and undying will, more talented people are attracted. An operating nurse (OPN) who can keep up w/ Asada's speed. An intern whose latent abilities have been stifled by bureaucracy and tradition. An ace surgeon who has aspirations of landing a professorship. An anesthegiologist who can determine weight of the patient within 5kg upon mere observation and adjust levels of drugs on the fly. And to top it off, an internalist who is skilled at maintaining the psychological as well as post-op wellbeing of the patient. That comprises the godlike team, forged through emergency operations and personal strife.

The emergency techniques that Asada performs, which stem from his experince in MSAP (a Doctors Without Borders-like organization) is the true appeal of the show. I cannot vouch for the medical accuracy of the operatory setup or the techniques he uses. But I am sure that most of them are sound enough. His speed and accuracy in technique, especially when he is matched w/ TMD, is much like the skills of an athlete in a sports anime. God-given talent paired with years of painstaking effort and repetition, an unbeatable combination. At the very, very least, it is gripping drama to watch.

(Spoilers ahead)

After the last episode, I really doubted the validity of the whole premise of the drama. The drama revolves around the Batista thesis, named after the surgeon who pioneered the technique. It was devised to treat DCM (dilated cardiomyopathy), or an enlargement of the heart, usually in the left ventricle. An enlarged heart will be not be able to pump as effectively, and over time regions of the heart will become weakened and diseased. Internal treatments are usually given, and the Batista technique was only used in situations where cardiac arrest was likely. First used as an alternative to transplant, the technique involves locating the diseased region of the heart and excising them, much like a piece of pie, stitching the incisions in order to reduce the size of the heart. As I found out, the Batista technique was too risky and had many post-op side-effects, so it was phased out. Which is usually the case for most techniques in sports anime (Demspey Roll, Twist Shot, etc).

However, what Asada did brought the drama to a whole new level. He revealed a trump card of sorts, making an incision in the muscle of the left ventricle, w/o locating any diseased regions. What seemed to be a misguided and dangerous stab in the dark turned out to be the new addenum to the thesis. While he did not treat the diseased region itself, what he did was overlap the muscles and suture the region, effectively reducing the size of the heart. I later discovered that this indeed was the alternate method to the Batista: the Dor procedure named for the Monaco surgeon that pioneered it. Although Asada himself did not invent the technique (he is fictional, after all), nonetheless the technique is sound.

TMD has shot up in my rankings. One of the best dramas I've seen, and no triangles or anything. That is certainly an accomplishment.

Edit: I have to tack on an addenum to my take on Pride. A man cannot be one dimentional, but I still prize being a one woman man. Think the ideal of this is the Condor Heroes trilogy, especially w/ the Return of CH. The love between Yang Guo and Xiao Long Nu is really unmatched in any literature ive ever read. That includes romeo and juliet. It is a very classic love.

More to come later.

 
I HAVE SOMETHING TO WRITE ABOUT AGAIN

as always, I hope its coherent. For the past couple days I've been reading Henri Nouwen's Return of the Prodigal Son, which deals with the parable of... the Prodigal son. What makes this so interesting is that he does this with the aid of a Rembrandt painting of the very parable, delving into a bit of art history as well. Fun elements aside, it made me think about various things, and once again I find myself in a bit of confusion. Nouwen is a pastor, so his analysis is taken with a religious undertone, which is fine. Actually, it makes it better for me, since I'm at a time when my faith is... not as strong as it should be.

Let's get the easy portion of the parable aside. This parable is famous cause it gives a very picturesque example of the unbound and everlasting love that God has for everyone, sinner and "saint" alike. His love is shown through the younger son, the prodigal in question. In the parable, the younger son asks for his inheritance (which apparently is tantamount to wishing your father dead... nono) and squanders it in a "distant land" on a life of debauchery and lust. He finds himself working for an employer which deems him unfit to eat the very husks that he feeds the pigs. The prodigal finally decides in his destitute state that he would rather work like a slave under his father, so he returns to his father. Upon his return, the father is overcome with joy and slaughters the calf that they have been fattening for the prodigal's feast.

It is an example that hits close to home. Unconditional and unquestioning is His love, despite what shortcomings we may face. It is very comforting to know that there will be someone out there who will love us for who we are, no matter how deeply we may fall into sin. However, there is a conditional in this relationship, so there still exists a need for morals and good works. However unconditional His love may be, the person in question must be willing to accept that love, with all of their heart, with open arms. It is a relationship that works both ways. I think thats what makes this relationship with God so hard, cause we have to be willing to accept it. And with the faith I have now, I don't think I'm in the position to say what accepting His unconditional love really entails. But, what I do know is that his love is still there, waiting for the moment that I finally figure it out and just make that step toward those open arms. It might take me my whole life, through various pits and valleys, body battered and spirit exhausted. But, the hope that will sustain me is that despite all that, it will still be there, waiting. That is the beauty of the younger son side of the parable.

The role of the elder son is the more interesting one, the one that I take issue with. In the parable, the elder son is working in the fields while the sounds of festivity reach his ears. He heads home and his father runs toward him, beckoning him to partake in the return of his lost younger brother. The elder brother then replies (not verbatim, just what I think I would say in the situation) "I have worked diligently, without complaint, for all these years and not once have I had a celebration in my name. And now, when my brother comes back from a life of debauchery, you kill the calf we've been fattening for his celebration." The elder son refuses to go in, but the father pleads with him, saying "And for that, I do love you. All I have is yours."

Hopefully I captured the spirit of the elder son. As much as I can relate with the younger son, I think I sympathize with the elder son more since I am the eldest in my family. He addresses this, and I think this hit me the most. The eldest son has this weight on his/her shoulders, to be upstanding and succeed, to be an example for their younger siblings, to be the most temperate and obedient. Although lately I can concede that I haven't really felt all that recently, I have felt this sort of weight throughout my life. At times, it feels like someone younger than you has this ability to be a little less stiff, to be a little more reckless. It feels like a freedom that the eldest isn't entitled to.

Aside from that, the eldest son sets up an example for those who feel that fault does not lie with them, that they have done all that is "required" to be one of God's children. It is a testament to how imperfect we are. The elder son is in fact a sinner like his younger brother, even though his sins might not be to the same extent. Its a very dangerous place, makes people judgemental and critical of others. It leads to arrogance, to a self-assured feeling that you can do no wrong. So, on the surface, the message I brought home from all this is that we are all sinners, and if we cannot accept that, we do not have the humility that is next to divinity.

This made me pretty angry. To the elder son, it feels much like a betrayal, almost an injustice. If I was in the same situation, I would have a similar outburst: Why does love come so easily to someone who doesn't seem to deserve it at all? Why did I have to work so hard to live up to my fathers expectations, only to see such recognition given to my brother who deserted us so long ago? Whats fair in all this? What was so wrong with me that you don't give me the same love?
Of course, the answer is His love is unconditional and impartial, so both sons are loved equally. After all, the father did say "All I have is yours." Ok, now the love is equal. But, why did I have to work so hard to attain what my brother got by just messing up his life and coming back? This... I didn't find the answer for.

What is it to live a good life? What is it to be moral? This is what I hate about ethics, cause its never one thing. The hardest dichotomy I found when I studied all those useless ethical theories (they didn't help me anyway... and I didn't do too well in that class... blah) is that between the intention, the heart of our actions, and the results of our actions themselves. What is more important, if there is such a hierarchy?

If you state that the heart of actions is the most important, you run into many problems. I think there was a saying from somewhere... I forget "The path to hell is paved with good intentions." The actions undertaken might have been to benefit someone, but the very action might have indirectly hurt many others. Does an action still have the same impact if you fail? You really want to help the person, but by doing so you may hurt them even more. Is this a call for inaction? Not by any means. I'm in the crowd that says doing something is better than doing nothing. Even still, I think the intention of any action is insufficient, cause the results do matter.

If the results of actions are the most important, than it would undermine the very parable I described. The elder son has done everything "right," and yet there is something missing. By questioning the love that his father has for him in such a manner, his intentions might have not been in harmony with what good acts entails. Good acts are those that are done because there is a desire to do the very act for itself, as in you do them cause they are considered "good." I might be writing myself into a corner, but basically you intend to do good cause they are good, and nothing much else.

To make a long debate short, there is a place for both the intention and result of an action. I don't think anyone will make a convincing case for the greater importance of either (which incidentally seems the same way in ethics... as far as im concerned) So, even though I can understand the situation of arrogance in the elder son, I still can't come to terms with the contrast between the younger and elder son. It just seems so... unfair.

Well, "not everyone who worked hard succeeds. But, everyone who succeeds works hard." Life is too tough this way, I think I still be asking "Why does he have it so easy (making money, working out, getting girls, etc etc)." Guess this is one of those "the journey is more interesting than the destination" sort of things. More to come later.

 
ONE YEAR...

give or take since I've last written in here. I guess at this point in my life, xanga is enough to write down the daily milestones of my life, like getting a kip up finally. That is enough. As always, this is the place to write down my extended thoughts. As of now though, I don't really have anything new to add, or at least a new spin on the thoughts that made up the majority of my dealings in my life up to this point.

Guess the point of this post is just a little reminder to myself, summed up in a few words. One year, almost to the day of the last post I've made in this here blog, I officially graduated from Cal, making a fool of myself in front of faculty and friends in the process. And, I couldn't have gone out of my undergraduate career in a better way. Its sometimes dangerous to take yourself too seriously. From here on out, the plan ahead is to apply to dental school, to make myself a decent and respectable man, worthy of family. That is my goal at this point. Love will not find a man who is not even ready for himself. That is the plan.

Seems like I'm losing what little eloquence I had back in the day. Pretty scary, I don't want to be reduced to a state where I can't express myself in prose. Now, that would be very... suck. I'm going to miss the old wushu crew and the college lifestyle (which I need to grow out of fast).

I can't find anything that excites me as of this moment, but there sure is a hell of a lot of things that scare me.

More to come soon hopefully.