SO MANY QUESTIONS...
to which only a few answers are avaliable. Guess thats the whole paradox of life: the more u kno, the more u have to find out. And one mystery has baffled me more than anything else... this condition we refer to as love. Since im a pretty sappy guy... yet i havent had anything like a girlfriend in my life... its the one thing that has frustrated and mesmerized me, at times in conjuction w/ each other. There is so much that i want to do, yet i cannot go through w/ due to a choice of my own or a fate that fast leaves my grasp. The reason y i bring this up is cause i saw the ending to one of those sappy korean dramas. It was pretty unique, cause it was a "musical" drama in which the characters would suddenly break into song at certain pts of the story. Well, anyway, the story sounded pretty good, makes me sad that i didnt get the opportunity to watch it the whole way through. The story follows a guy and girl throughout the whole of their 10 yr friendship. The two even hooked up at a certain pt, and then broke up, meetin up w/ other ppl, even to the pt of marriage. The two eventually start to really like each other, but since they had relationships of their own, they couldnt really tell each other how they really felt. Suddenly, the guy gets up the courage to confess his feelings, mainly due to desparation cause the girl was gettin married. Alas, it wasnt meant to be, the girl rejects him cause after all, she is gettin married to a pretty successful guy. Then, here comes a twist of fate... the marriage is cancelled... the groom is caught up in a political corruption scandal. The guy, thinkin back to the days where they grew closer to each other, decides to give it another go and try to convince her, waitin by the front of her house w/ flowers and letters in tow. This goes on for a pretty long while, and to make the long commute for that long, he gets a used car. Well, the girl's family is pretty convinced that this guy was pretty damn sincere, and urges the girl to accept his feelings. Sometimes... a push of the extraordinary is needed. On one rainy day, the guy doesnt show up to the front of the house. The girl gets pretty worried and calls him... no answer. Turns out that he got into a pretty bad accident. However... thats not goin to stop him. Bandages and all, he comes up to her house, flowers in tow. And there u go, a hardcore gesture of his love finally wins her heart, and then the happy ending rolls in.
Alrite, even i kno this is a pretty simplistic plot, and im aware that this sort of thing would rarely happen, despite the sap i am. But, i guess i was attracted to this drama cause i bet this has happened to many ppl, it happened to me a bit as well. Im not the type to jus pick up a girl and try to get chummy w/ her. Im most attracted to girls i got to kno a little bit 1st, since its not jus looks that make the girl cute... its all those little unexplained goodies as well. And hearing all those horror stories about guys tryin to hook up w/ girls they've been friends w/ for a long time, it makes a guy pretty cautious about this sorta thing. (theres a whole theory concerning this... pretty hilarious i might add). The number off guys who fallen into the abyss of rejection would far outnumber those whole actually made that leap of faith. And yea, after all while, thats to be expected. The one who loses is the one who realizes too late, and w/ the passage of time... the guy usually gets burned cause the girl moves on, whether she had feelings for the guy or not. This works in the reverse as well... but i isolate one scenario cause usually the burden of action befalls the guy. And what a burden... i think i have a perfect record for that sort of thing...
Anyway, i guess theres a lot of things i have yet to learn about this whole relationship thing. I always wondered how i would be when i was actually in a relationship, and those things i always wanted to try out. (the sappy stuff i saw on the dramas, that is). But... thats jumpin ahead of myself. There's always these little naggin doubts when u finally work urself up to take action. What if i come on too strong? When do i push, and when do i let things be? Too many questions. Think herein lies the trouble. Maybe i give up too easily, or it wasnt the right time. Maybe i waited too long and missed my chance. Maybe the whole thing was too awkward and i wasnt strong in my conviction. Yet again, too many possibilities.
I always believed the only person right for some1 is a person they hold in their heart. Its not money (it never was in the case of true love), or fame, or success. The one u have in ur heart will always be the one in ur thoughts, the one who is perfect jus the way u see them, the one that fills u w/ this immense warmth. Guess its something like that. I think i give up too easily, and try to hide my feelings a bit too much. I act too late and lack conviction. I cant lie to myself, or ill regret it in the end, wondering to myself what could have been. To some, thats the greatest tragedy of all... forget who 1st said it. And yet, questions flood my mind. Really hate when this happens. Maybe it is as simple as i think... cause after all, reality is what u make of it. So... to anyone who reads this.. may ur words and actions be true, as well as mine....
More to come later.
