EVERYTHING IN BALANCE....
its a little phrase i based pretty much all aspects of my life around. Its also something i forgot this past month or so. I got quite the rude awakening these past couple weeks, and awakening is a pretty ironic word to use. It did kinda the opposite, draining me of physical, mental and spiritual energy. I was just crestfallen, and even now im pretty shook up. Even tho i would like to consider myself a pretty mellow, laid-back kinda guy, these sort of things hit me hard, and i take it personally. Maybe it was because ive become a little too laid back...
"I slipped up. I lacked the discipline." Thats a quote that pretty much sums up what conspired thus far. It is a matter of discipline, of knowing what is needed to be done at that moment in time. For these past few days, my being seemed to rise up from my body, and witnessing this sort of self-destruction happening. All the while, im wondering to myself, "what the hell am i doing?". This isnt me, i kno i can be better than this, why does everything seem to fall in the worst case scenario. And i kno this isnt what the real Jimbo would do. I think i lost myself, what im supposed to do during these past few weeks. Its been this sort of haze, something just wasnt quite right. I have neglected the things which are necessary, which are paramount.
My being was out of balance, and thats why i dont feel like me. Theres only one way to maintain that balance which i seek, and that is jus through plain will and discipline. This will be something i have to take on, virtually on my lonesome. With all the help i can get, the only person that can reverse this ill-gotten fortune of mine is me. Although this is a time of adversity, a bit more adversity than im used to dealin with, its another test of resolve. Its almost like a divine sign, saying that the path ive been walkin towards is that of ruin, one which will jus lead toward this vicious cycle. Even diamonds, one of the most precious stones on this earth, was once a darkened entity, forged under immense heat and pressure to become this object of brilliance. All i can think of right now is another quote, this one is from Kazuma, whos fast becomin one of my most favorite anime protagonists, heh:
"Theres this wall in front of my eyes. If i possess the power and means to break through that barrier, i will do so, without hesitation."
Or something to that effect. Yes, there is a barrier in front of my eyes. Mulitiple barriers, erected by me and various other outside forces. I do have the means to break through. Have confidence in ur abilities. Break through. W/o hesitation.
In case ur wondering, this is jus a little reminder to myself, hehe, jus in case i forget. It can work for any1 who deals with adversity, hehe. If u have the means to reverse ur ill-fated future, do it. If u kno for sure, if u believe with all ur heart and being that this is the right course of action, do it. W/o hesitation.
Take care yall, theres more to come later.
